ACC Football: 8 Crazy Nights of Hanukkah

You know what they say, “‘Tis the season.” And for many, the “season” includes both Christmas and Hanukkah. Earlier in the week, I offered everyone a Christmas themed SEC article and would like to offer the ACC a Hanukkah based gift.

Night 1…

The ACC Coastal hired 3 seasoned head coaches. While the SEC East opted for lackluster hires, the ACC Coastal was attracted to candidates that had successful head coaching experience. Justin Fuente, Mark Richt and Bronco Mendenhall all join the ACC Coastal next season. Welcome to the family guys.

Richt brings his winning ways to Miami. Fuente tries to rebrand Beamer Ball at Virginia Tech and Mendenhall arrives at Virginia. Mendenhall’s former team, BYU, had a Fight Club mentality. Will the 1st rule of Virginia football be that we don’t talk about Virginia football?

Night 2…

Jimbo Fisher is staying at Florida St. LSU desperately wanted Fisher to return to Baton Rouge just as Ralpie wanted his Red Ryder BB gun. Yes, you’ll shoot your eye out!

Like a Red Ryder BB gun, hiring a top tier coach comes with a lot of responsibility and as they’ve proven with Miles, LSU wouldn’t have been able to handle it. LSU would have shot their eye out with Fisher.

Night 3…

Pizza! On the 3rd night of Hanukkah, Dabo Swinney gave Clemson pizza. Papa’s in the house as Dabo ordered 2,500 pizzas to be delivered to campus. It’s also nice to see that while the Clemson players are forbidden to use Twitter during the season, the coaches can still communicate in 140 character thoughts.

Night 4…

Bobby Petrino is sticking around for another year at Louisville. Due to his winning ways and impressive APR, he will enjoy another hefty bonus payout. Unlike Clemson, Louisville is all about KFC…you know the KFC Yum Center…and Petrino can buy a lot of chicken from the Colonel. Go for a ride in Petrino’s limo and get filled up on chicken and wins. What? You thought I was going to say motorcycle?

Night 5…

Does a Florida St. football scholarship come with a public defender? It probably should. Hell, just include it in the cost of attendance total. From the sound of it, it wouldn’t be a difficult job since the attorney would have a friend in the Tallahassee Police Department. Just go cheap. I hear this Gambini guy is available.

Night 6…

Will you have an all expense paid trip to beautiful Syracuse, NY? You will if Dino Babers considers you, “one of the good ones.” You know, on second thought, if this is the gift on night 6, you may just want to skip it. There is always that Hanukkah Harry gift that makes you say, “Oy vey!”

Night 7…

Hanukkah is not complete without spinning the dreidel and who better to do that with than Duke assistant basketball coach, Jon Scheyer. That’s right, the man known as the “Jewish Jordan” will be playing the dreidel game with you.

Night 8…

What would be better than a national championship? Nothing. Clemson is the ACC team that is in contention for the title. This would be great for both Clemson and the ACC. As a whole, the conference doesn’t get the respect that the SEC, Big Ten or Pac-12 receive. Clemson is playing for both personal and conference respect. Just imagine the pizza party that Dabo will throw for the fans if Clemson wins the entire thing.

Happy Hanukkah! Now go find a nice girl and make your Bubbe happy.

E-mail Seth at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter @SMerenbloom.