Josh’s NFL Picks Week Nine: Two Browns Losses for the Price of One

After a nine win week eight, I’m pretty depressed. I never feel good when I have to start off the picks column with a number so low; I have to spell it out instead of use the numerals1Bet you degenerates didn’t think you’d get a grammar lesson today.. I’m off to a (depressingly) strong start this week after picking the Bengals to beat the Browns on Thursday night. Ho hum. My favorite football team is terrible again. I’ll just have to drown my sorrows in Cavaliers basketball.

Don’t bet on the Cavs2I’m listening to Odelay as I write this. I forgot how cool Beck was. Don’t get me wrong, Cleveland’s swashbuckling heroes are going to win a lot of games3my preseason bet was less than 56.5, but 55 is still a lot., but betting on the Cavs to cover point spreads is a risky proposition. Slow starts and managing minutes is going to leave bettors feeling differently than fans.

I know LeBron James downplayed the moment he tore the sleeves off the awful Adidas uniforms the Cavs wore against the Knicks, but I suspect LeBron is being a little less than honest in that Uninterrupted video. Not that I blame him; losing your cool at a tee shirt isn’t always the best look. Speaking of bad looks; those uniforms are the worst look. They’re tee shirts that teams should give away to fans before a playoff game. They’re not basketball uniforms.

I wish there were fantastic Indians news to share, but there isn’t. Alas, it’s not all fire and brimstone at the corner of Carnegie and Ontario. How could it be, if the folks over at Tribe Time Now are still recording podcasts? Take a trip over there and sit down with episode 35: Ryan Raburn: Key to World Series Victory.

We have two Browns games to lament since my last column. Mike Pettine said the Cardinals game was “a tale of two halves… frustrating because we’re capable of being better for longer.”

I don’t buy that at all, especially since the Thursday night game in Cincinnati was no different. Moreover; the Browns weren’t that good in the first half of either game, anyway.

In the Cardinals game the Browns secondary was abused as much in the first half as they were in the second, but was bailed out by Karlos Dansby and K’Waun Williams forcing key turnovers. At best, the Browns defense could be called “Big Play,” considering their four forced turnovers. But, in reality, they’re just a high risk unit. Specifically, it’s risky for the Browns that this is the unit.

Against the Bengals, the only thing preventing an uglier defensive output was two seemingly miraculous scoring drives that combined to eat up 10:58 seconds of game clock. Not including Carson Palmer taking knees to end the first half and the game, the Browns defense only forced one three and out Thursday. Guys; the defense is the problem.

Not playing Duke Johnson in the second half against Arizona because that’s how the game flowed is the biggest load of garbage I’ve seen since the Voyage of the Mobro 40004There’s a new “Most watched load of garbage in town,” Mobro.

I would love to harp on Duke Johnson and Isaiah Crowell only combining for 13 carries Thursday night, but the Browns got in such a huge hole so early in the second half, they had to start throwing the ball around like a Madden game. I’m sure Duke would rather run pass routes than keep up that torrid Thursday pace of 0.0 yards per carry.

I don’t know what Jimmy Haslam wants. I don’t know what Mike Pettine wants. If it were my money, I’d have to stop paying Jim O’Neil.

Picks Notes:

I’m not breaking down anyone’s doors to wager roses this week. My favorite is a big favorite, the Patriots covering against the Redskins.

I’m comfortable admitting I was wrong about not liking Teddy Bridgewater. Honestly, being so right about not liking Colin Kaepernick really eases that sting. Quarterbacks make the world go round, and they shall continue in their two matchups. The Vikings will win easily, and the 49ers will lose ugly.

I had the hardest time with the matchup between the Raiders and Steelers. I’m taking the upset. It feels right.

Happy picking!

Browns @Bengals
Packers @Panthers
Redskins @Patriots
Titans @Saints
Dolphins @Bills
Rams @Vikings
Jaguars @Jets
Raiders @Steelers
Giants @Buccaneers
Falcons @49ers
Broncos @Colts
Eagles @Cowboys
Bears @Chargers

 

 

 

 

Follow me on Twitter @RailbirdJ for more senseless sports talk and occasional conversations about being a new dad. Tweet about this using #MTAFPicks and #NomPickem to talk trash to me, the rest of the MTAF NFL crew, and all of the sad sacks who got suckered into @Sportsnom‘s shady pick’em league

References
1 Bet you degenerates didn’t think you’d get a grammar lesson today.
2 I’m listening to Odelay as I write this. I forgot how cool Beck was
3 my preseason bet was less than 56.5, but 55 is still a lot.
4 There’s a new “Most watched load of garbage in town,” Mobro