College Football Portion of the Program
Annoyingly, ESPN and every major media outlet brushed the dust from last year’s “Separation Saturday” graphic and proceeded to splash the tired phrase off the ears and eyes nationwide all day. I’m sorry on their behalf. By the way, I’d love if enterprising individuals in unhappy relationships took the liberty to use this “Separation Saturday” motif to their advantage, and necessary-but-difficult break-ups fell like oversized JENGA towers today, and every “Separation Saturday” from here on out. I love Love, though.
Despite the tread-worn SS being thrown around by talking heads like a damn pigskin at Thanksgiving, it did live up to the hype, delivering a number of Top 25 upsets and helping illuminate the probable roadmap for conference championships and ultimately, the playoff picture. Clemson proved it deserves the initial top spot in the CFB Playoff Ranking by beating FSU, Alabama showed the playoff committee’s prescience as they mercilessly whooped LSU, Oklahoma State kept the offensive pyrotechnics going and handily stunned TCU, and Michigan State suffered a reversal of fate, getting upset at Nebraska under the cloud of a potential officiating gaffe and another controversial ending.
Laterals, man. laterals. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the acronym “ILS”, but it means “Invisible Lat Syndrome” and refers to those dipshit dudes that walk around life like they have coolers stuffed under their arms because their backs/lats are so developed, but actually they’re just peacock-style inflating their upper body size. AKA “bowing up” as a scared individual does before a fistfight happens. Well, after the last two weeks of this college football season have unfolded we may have to consider inventing “VLS” or “Visible Lateral Syndrome”, referring to the damage done to fanbases of programs that’ve lost heartbreaking games on plays that involve ridiculous, lateral-induced defeats. The Satan of Sideways struck Duke during their last-second loss to Miami last week, and we thought it was an anomaly…until this week’s Arkansas-Ole Miss fantastic finish featuring, you guessed it, Lucifer’s Ludicrous Laterals.
College Football Link Dinks and Dunks of the Week
Mizzou FB team “athletes of color” boycotting current school president, won’t play until change made!?…Terrible news, as Miss. St. father/son football combo killed in car crash…First CFB Official Playoff Rankings released, and does Alabama deserve a spot in the top 4 (yes, now clear to all)…The rise of ND’s DeShone Kizer…At halftime of the USC-Arizona game, ESPN’s Danny Kannell referred to ‘Bama’s win over LSU as, “…a curb-stomp. You can’t really call it anything else.” While I agree Alabama forcefully defeated the Tigers, can we all agree using the phrase “curb-stomp” in any context is disgusting, especially when referring to a college football game, especially when we all know this horrifying moment from the racially charged movie “American History X” is what popularized the term.
College Game of the Week: #2 LSU vs. #4 Alabama
This game would decide much in the heated race for the beast that is the SEC West. Would LSU continue to run Leonard Fournette to the Heisman and Lesticles’ second National Championship? Or would ‘Bama continue to rebound from their early-season loss to Ole Miss (which looks even worse now) and keep rolling opponents enroute to another SEC title?
Well, it was the latter. Alabama whooped LSU 30-16 at Bryant-Denny Stadium in a matchup of two of the top four teams in CFB’s initial Playoff Rankings. Bama’s D controlled LSU’s run game, Bama’s O rolled out a dominant, Derrick Henry-led rushing attack, and Saban skated off with another huge win over grass-eating Les-is-Less Miles. Three point summary:
Alabama Won the Trenches
There’s a man named A’shawn Robinson that roams the nose/D-tackle spot for Alabama. He’s nearly impossible to block, and, if you like, here’s a great feature on Robinson. He, along with the rest of Alabama’s O and D-lines, beat the hell out of LSU. This game boiled down to Alabama’s complete control of the line of scrimmage, which always determines these Tide-Tiger matchups. Roll Tide, for tonight.
Leonard Fournette Lost Heisman Ground
I hate that this is true, because I love Fournette and the transcendent beauty he’s brought CFB this year and LSU’s morbid passing game did nothing to help clear the box against the Tide, but this game did some damage to what was once his peerless Heisman campaign. In the game many billed as a battle of the backs in Fournette vs. Derrick Henry, Henry clearly came out on top. Fournette was stymied all day by ‘Bama’s fierce D-line, being held to a season-low 31 yards on 19 carries, well below his 193 yards/game average for the year. Henry meanwhile, bulldozed his way to 3 TD’s and 210 yards, looking unstoppable at times. With TCU’s Trevone Boykin throwing 4 picks and suffering his first loss of the year, the Heisman hierarchy was shaken up a bit this weekend. Now I’d say Henry’s near the top of the heap along with Clemson’s commander QB Deshaun Watson, Ohio State’s stud RB Ezekiel Elliot, and Stanford’s darting dynamo Christian McCaffrey.
Alabama Will Win the National Championship
It’s ridiculous to make predictions anytime, and especially this year given the crazy climate surrounding college football with controversy and madness now the norm, and no team rising head and shoulders above the rest, yet. It’s also silly to put the crown on Alabama’s head given their still-questionable QB Jake Coker and a defense that tends to doo doo in the bed versus spread teams, not to mention all the football that’s left to be played. But let’s get crazy. Let’s throw caution to the wind. ‘Bama just has the feel (and dominant running game, dominant line play, athletic D, competent QB) of a special team that was galvanized by their early-season loss to Ole Miss, and now’s on a mission. Preseason’s darling Ohio State has been building steam this year, but they still look nothing like the team that buzzsawed through last year’s playoff, and while Clemson appear to have gotten rid of their pesky penchant for dropping winnable games, I still don’t trust them. So I’m putting my neck out there and saying this: Ladies and Gentleman, Alabama will be your 2015 College Football National Champion.
At the End of the Day: CFB’s Top 25 Went this Way (All Rankings from College Football Playoff Poll)
#6 Baylor vs. Kansas State (Thursday, Nov. 6th)
Bears survive scare from Snyder’s frat ‘Cats, keep playoff dreams alive
#20 Miss. St. vs. Missouri (Thursday, Nov. 6th)
‘Dogs dump Tigers, Tigers Wish to Dump School President
#22 Temple vs. SMU (Friday, Nov. 7th)
Owls forget they’re supposed to lose to Dallas dudes, instead say “Who?” and bruise ‘Stangs
#10 Florida vs. Vanderbilt
Gators barely beat Vandy, clinch SEC East and keep Commodores least
#5 Notre Dame vs. Pittsburgh
Kizer So Says, “Come with me!”, as the Irish stiff Pitt
#21 Northwestern vs. Penn State
We’ve reached the point in reality where it’s not surprising Northwestern beat Penn State. Bizarre.
#11 Stanford vs. Colorado
McCaffrey’s kid keeps rolling as Card roughs up Buffs
#25 Houston vs. Cincinnati
Cougars roast Bearcats, go searching for next young victims
#1 Clemson vs. #16 FSU
Dabo’s Dabos Dabo Wabo Seminoles, proving Dabo deserves to be top Dabo
#9 Iowa vs. Indiana
Hawkeyes keep playoff hopes alive, peck Hoosiers’ I’s out
#17 Michigan vs. Rutgers
Jim’s Joe’s smoke Red Knights
#8 TCU vs. #14 Oklahoma State
Cowboys shoot through swiss-cheese Frogs D, propelling OSU into playoff pic
#18 Ole Miss vs. Arkansas
More casual, late-game chaos brings Bielema’s Hogs rebelliously erotic joy, topping Mr. Ms. Miss
#23 UCLA vs. Oregon State
Bruins ruin OSU, leave it (losing) to Beavers
#13 Memphis vs. Navy
Midshipmen mush Memphis, dashing distant Playoff dreams
#7 Michigan State vs. Nebraska
Sparty falls from unbeaten ranks, skanked late by the Huskers and refs
#15 Oklahoma vs. Iowa State
Stoops’ Troops score sooner and later, smash Cyclones
#19 Texas A&M vs. Auburn
Tigers aggravate Aggies, A&M burned, upset
#12 Utah vs. Washington
Huskies a bit too “big-boned”, Utes race past Peterson’s Puppies
#3 Ohio State vs. Minnesota
Ezekiel 3:14 “Thou shalt never lose to Gophers Faux-Golden”…Bucks truck those with buck-teeth
#2 LSU vs. #4 Alabama
Bayside’s Bayou Bengals Bludgeoned by Alabama Man, Men
Duke vs. North Carolina
Tarholes dash Duke’s ACC dreams, demolish Devils
National Football League Portion of the Program
NFL Link Dinks and Dunks of the Week
Graphic photos of Greg Hardy’s alleged domestic violence victim surfaced this week, yet he plays on…Hardy was justly skewered (along with some other players/coaches) in these funny updated Madden Ratings…Former Raider charged with grisly murders in California…On the BRIGHTER SIDE, a nice piece on the ascent of Cam Newton.
NFL Quick ‘Cap Game of the Week: Green Bay at Carolina
Cam Can Cam Like Cam:Carolina jumped out to 27-7 lead at half, behind an unstoppable aerial attack and Cam Newtom playing like, well, superCam. The Panthers gave the Pack GB’s largest home deficit since 12/15/13
Thomas Davis SR is the Seniorest Sr.: TD Sr. had a number of nifty plays, including a nice, line-busting sack of A-Rod just before halftime and the game-sealing INT of A-Rod at the end. Davis SR is playing on his 16th ACL of the year, and why does Carolina seem to be the only breeding ground for guys tough/cool enough to use the SR tag on their last names, a la Steve Smith Sr. and now Mr. Davis Sr.?
Pack’s Second Half Comeback Squelched: GB scored quick in the 2nd half with a Rodgers-Cobb long TD pass early in the 2nd quarter leading to a furious rally in 2nd half to get it to 37-29. A-Rod drove Green Bay deep into Carolina territory late in the 4th quarter and, scrambling on 4th down and goal got picked by the man, THE SR Davis, to end the Pack threat and clinch Carolina’s best start ever. Is Carolina for real? It seems so, and their stranglehold on the NFC South is secure for now.
NFL Longer Lust Game of the Week 2: Denver at Carolina
This past week, Indianapolis fired their once-successful Offensive Coordinator, Pep Hamilton, due to the Colts’ early-season struggles on offense relative to the major investment (draft/free agency) the team made on that side of the ball in the offseason. It’s been spun in major outlets that this firing was largely a result of Andrew Luck’s ineffectiveness (injured ribs or not) so far this year, including MMQB’s own Peter King challenging Luck to step up and accept responsibility for being the reason Hamilton was fired, and questioning how Luck would respond in the face of such pressure.
It looked like Luck would have the toughest of times responding to a major shake-up on the offensive coaching staff facing a Denver Broncos D that was dominating the NFL so far. It looked like Luck was seriously suffering from some injury, whether it was the supposedly-kept-under-wraps rib injury or something else, as this year his typically picturesque form and performance had been relegated to rollercoaster status on a weekly basis. It looked like Peyton Manning’s sand-arm and the Elway Broncos would head into Peyton’s Old Oil Dome and dominate the Colts, keeping their undefeated record alive and sending the Horseshoes further into a tailspin, though remaining atop the weak-ass AFC South.
As it turns out, looks, and Luck, can be deceiving. Colts win 27-24. The game’s 3 pressure points:
Luck Don’t Throw No Wounded Ducks: It’s clear something’s been ailing Andy all season, and too see the media hop on his back lately has been interesting. Andrew Luck is a selfless beast that more often than not puts the Colts in a position to win. He may not be Peyton, but that’s a good and bad thing. This week, Luck and his new coordinator were on track early putting Indy up 17 through the first half and keeping things going well enough in the second to hang on for the win. Everyone else needs to get back on the Luck bandwagon; there’s plenty of neck hair to go around, keeping us all warm and entertained for the remainder of the year.
Last Game in Lucas Oil? Peyton Throws a Pretty Ball Too: Manning hit a bomb to Emmanuel Sanders early in the 3rd quarter to cut Indy’s lead to 17-14, and played well enough throughout. Emmanuel Sanders is impossible to cover, and Manning’s demise has been waaaaaay too overblown in the media this season. The man can still play, no matter how sad and old his face looked at the end of this one. However, in what may be his last game ever in the Lucas Oil Dome, Peyton suffered a surprising loss. In the end, that doesn’t mean to much as history holds Peyton as probably the greatest Colts’ QB ever, but it seemed refreshing and necessary for the young upstart Luck to get a win tonight, leading Indy into the near and distant future.
Peyton’s Path to History Paused: Mr. Manning finished the game just 3 measly passing yards shy of the all-time career passing yardage mark in NFL history. It would’ve been as fitting as a birthday suit for Peyton the Perfectionist to set one of the greatest records in NFL history in the home stadium of the team that drafted and reaped the rewards of Manning’s greatness for the majority of his career, before oddly jettisoning him because of concerns about his neck. However, due to a bizarre holding call late when Denver’s defense was called for the infraction defending an Indy FG kick, Peyton never got the final chance to get the mark in Indianapolis. Perhaps it’s better he’ll surely set the mark in his new home of Mile High, in Denver, next week against the Kansas City Chiefs.
NFL Hyper-Headline Roundup
Cleveland vs. Cincinnati
Bengals bust Browns’ balls as Manziel hits sixth ring of hell, oh well
Denver vs. Indianapolis
Andy punts Peyton’s pursuit of all-time passing yards record, as Colts become first to beat Broncos
Atlanta vs. San Francisco
Niners’ new QB sets offense free, sinks Falcons further south in NFC
NY Giants vs. Tampa Bay
Coughlin’s Cadets Crush Winston’s Regrets
Oakland vs. Pittsburgh
Raiders fall short late, Big Ben goes on an injury date, and Steelers win slim at the end
Miami vs. Buffalo
Rex says “Interim heads roll” and controls ‘Fins, as Bills win
Jacksonville vs. NY Jets
Jets set Jags back to the days pre-hot tub, rub South Florida the wrong/right way
Tennessee vs. New Orleans
Marcus the Hawaiian leads Titanic Dicaprios to OT victory over the Saints which must fire Roby Ryan train
St. Louis vs. Minnesota
Vikings ram Rams into FG submission
New England vs. Washington
Brady’s Bunch Native American burns the Snyders
Philadelphia vs. Dallas
Eagles fly, Eagles fly, right by Big D’s dysfunction in OT on Sunday night’s football flight
Commercial Skewering and Randoms
Tweets I Sent Cuz Drinks
The @Broncos ILB Trevaithan is a name that's both first and last combined, soccer-style. He's just known as "Trevaithan"
— The Hungriest Ghost (@nickbreezus) November 8, 2015
— The Hungriest Ghost (@nickbreezus) November 8, 2015
I suspect Kirk Cousins is incredibly popular in small, Southern cities
— The Hungriest Ghost (@nickbreezus) November 8, 2015
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